Action-Reaction: Theory Vs. Reality

I am sure anyone who either hates or idolizes Steven Covey knows the 90/10 Principle. For those in the blind, 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. Covey implies that one absolutely has no control over en event that happens...well at least 10% of it. The rest 90% of the same event, how it affects one, how it impacts, how it is handled is totally controllable by the individual.

He comes up with quite a few eye-opening examples, which seem so obvious when you read it. 'Wow! Is it that simple!!! A moment's impulse control...and most of my life suddenly seems better'. One situation that hits very close to most is the one about the family having break fast, the kids getting ready for school, the dad for an important meeting, and mom preparing herself for yet another tough day at work. One of the kids accidentally knocks over a cup of coffee on the dad's best shirt. This is only 10% of the whole event. The way the dad now reacts makes up for the 90%. Impulse would be to snap at the kid, snare at the mother if she came to help, and rush upstairs to change. (Might be an exaggeration, but I guess most of the reaction described would be so familiar to most of us)

The kid is so busy crying, she misses her school bus, the mom takes a lot of time pacifying the kid, and is late for work, and dad gets down to see a crying face and now has to drop the girl at school. He has to speed to be there on time. When he does, his daughter does not even say bye. Gets a speeding ticket on the way to work, goes late to office and the rest of his day is ruined.

If only he had controlled his impulse, and did not snap at the girl for what was not her intentional fault, and had quietly gone upstairs and had put on a new shirt and a smile, the day would have turned out to be so different and better no doubt.

Now, this is very appealing...come a new year and another book from Covey, most new year's resolutions would be to follow at least one golden habit. But how close is this to reality? Can one really and totally convert their negative impulses into pleasant ones? Wouldn't the world be just a sweet place to live if everyone woke up to the same thought and resolve?

Thinking on the same lines on my way to work, I observed the both amusing and annoying road habits around me. Someone cuts abruptly into another person's lane. Well, the first person honks. Is that a simple hearted warning honk? 'Hey buddy! I don't think you saw me in this lane. We were pretty close to having an accident. Pls drive with more attention. Let me wake you up with this loud honk' Or is it an arrogant honk? 'How dare you cut into my lane? Such &*^%#@ drivers should be given a ticket right away?' Well everyone might claim to be the first kind, but I know a lot of 'someones' who have the latter attitude.

A simple thing as merging lanes; Let's call the 2 entities, the merger and the mergee :). The merger has no choice but to merge because his lane has ended. But the ones on the mergee lane just wouldn't give way. Do they have a sense of superiority that makes them block the merger from merging and not give way? What do they gain from losing the 5 may be even 2 seconds by letting just one car get ahead of them...but NOOOOOO!!!

Might be a very simplistic, even childish portrayal of the seriousness and complexity of life, but it certainly does make me think. Do I really have control of 90% of what happens to me, or is it just too unrealistic a number.

All this thought on a freeway. Had a rude awakening...not philosophically, but when the driver behind me honked. Did not realize my speed had dropped down to 50 on a 65 MPH freeway. Now what kind of a honk was that? Actually I did not care...I just continued driving, rolled down my windows, and flipped him!